And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize