Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
