Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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