I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
