haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
