if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
