I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
