There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
