Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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