Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
