new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
