Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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