Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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