i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
