I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
