im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
