Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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