I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
