you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
YAS. BRING CRAB.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
