I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
