I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize