you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
