you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
