he puts the penis in happiness.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
