shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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