you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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