you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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