69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
bring money and cleavage
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize