maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
love makes seman taste better
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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