We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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