I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
