Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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