O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
