so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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