Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize