Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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