I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
