yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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