In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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