im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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