you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
