She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
And then my night got REAL pukey
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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