I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize