We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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