worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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