this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
