Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
