I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
