dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
