Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
