between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
