Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
