I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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