it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
