well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
