all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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