So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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