The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
