yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
