you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
