Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
