Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
