I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
