She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
