Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
