beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
